The Peace Inside

The peace is always there—around you, inside you—the question is whether you connect to it.

by Kit on . 

yoga nidra

I did a 45 minute yoga nidra session last night (by Steve Wolf). It blew me away!


by Kit on . 

goodbye drugs, hello clarity

It’s easy for someone who blogs about wellbeing (especially one who’s also a Reiki teacher) to fall into a trap. It’s the trap that says I’ve made it—I’ve found inner peace, health, and everything in my life has fallen into place. But inauthenticity is like a siren: a sign that something’s wrong, and a bloody obvious sign at that. So here’s my confession.

Since I became an adult, able to choose what I do and when I do it, I’ve had an unhealthy relationship with what I put into my body. I’ve used substances as an escape, a way to hide from myself.

The most obvious thing I put into my body that has caused me trouble is alcohol. I tell myself that I need to relax, that I work myself too hard anyway, and that having a drink will help. While there is some truth to this, I’ve got a weakness, which I think runs in my family, that means I quickly get dependent on alcohol. It’s not that I binge drink, just that I find myself wanting a drink (or two, or three) every day. This isn’t necessarily a problem, except for the fact that a feeling builds up in my body—the feeling that things aren’t really well for me. When I take a break from drinking, that feeling goes away.

Since I became a non-drinker on 20th July this year, I’ve felt clearer, healthier, and that I have more energy. The only times I’ve wanted a drink since then has been with friends who are drinking, but the desire quickly passes.

But I’ve been a bit like the monk who, following the Buddhist monastic rule of no food after mid-day, decides to take up soft drinks and cigarettes, which he enjoys each afternoon. (Yes, I really met a monk that did that. He lives in Koh Chang.) He hasn’t broken any formal rule, but he has missed the spirit of the rule: refraining from ingesting certain things in order to focus on the interior life.

And what did I do to replace the alcohol? Just like him, cigarettes!

This gave me another escape. Tobacco isn’t nearly as fun as alcohol, but it still changes your state of mind, so when you don’t want to face how you truly feel, it’s a quick and easy escape. On a par with alcohol, at least for me, is its negative health effects. The hot smoke would irritate my throat, and just one cigarette would make me feel different all day, a kind of messiness in my chest. It was also psychological: feeling that I had done one damaging thing to my body in the morning would make me feel less positive throughout the day; there would be a lingering negative feeling that accompanied the lingering physical effects.

I thought I’d just have the one pouch of tobacco and then stop, but I didn’t even last that long. The rewards of smoking were just so small compared to the negative effects. And after smoking for a few weeks it became clear what I really wanted: the ability to live my life, to face my real emotions, without relying on drugs.

I smoked my last cigarette on 21st October. The next day I took a bus to the seaside, and then a ferry boat to the beautiful island of Koh Samet, where I am now. I’ve been staying on a secluded little beach with just a few other guests. Most of them (it’s surprising how many) are drinking, or smoking, or both. The beach is about relaxing, right? So alcohol and tobacco should really help. That’s the logic I always took with me on previous beach holidays, anyway. But this time, without either of those crutches, I’ve had to appreciate what’s really going on. It’s a different attitude, where I can no-longer hide away from how I really feel, because I don’t have either of those buttons to press that can make me feel different.

The fact is, I’ve been feeling quite good (except this annoying cold I came down with yesterday). Seeing the other guests smoking and drinking has made me miss both a little, but really not much at all.

Pooky and me on Koh Samet

Pooky and me on Koh Samet

On previous beach holidays I always had the option to smoke or drink, if I felt like I wanted to change my state of mind. It was like a safety net: if I’m not enjoying myself enough, or I don’t feel relaxed enough, I have an option. And being without that option means I have to experience things with more courage, because I know that even if I don’t feel the way I want to, I’m going to stay with it.

This has transformed my experience. I’ve had clarity and mindfulness in a way I’ve not had in a really long time. And I’ve felt more centred in myself, and comfortable with who I am. In some ways it’s been tough, but in the opposite way to cigarettes: cigarettes are easy, provide a pathetically small boost, and have lasting negative effects. Being free from these substances has required strength, and has provided significant improvement in my wellbeing, without any negative effects.

I used these drugs in the past because I didn’t want to be the uber-disciplined, holier-than-thou guy who didn’t know how to have fun. I wanted to be relaxed and free. Getting really drunk certainly makes you relaxed and free, but the cost for me was just too high. So now that I step out in life (back to work tomorrow!) without these crutches, please wish me well.

by Kit on . 

Why I’m not using Spotify

I know a few people who are completely sold on streaming music services like Spotify. I tried Spotify, and enjoyed it, and would love to jump on board. I don’t have a big music collection, and the appeal of being able to listen to anything I want, legally, for a fee of just £10 a month is tempting. I almost signed-up, until I realised that I will be paying just £10 a month for the rest of my life.

I hope to live a healthy and strong life, which for me includes enjoying music, at least to the age of 80. I’m 30 now. At just £120 a year, that’s a total of just £6000.

And if during the next 50 years I decide to stop paying just £10 a month, all of that music is gone.

That’s as negative as I will get about streaming, because I can see how it’s a powerful service. If I was really into new music, it would be the right choice for me. It’s great how many record companies have got on board, and how easy it is to use. I could well be the future of the music industry, and in a couple of decades it might be what everyone is be doing.

But I’ve gone for a different approach. I’ve made a little spreadsheet which earmarks just £10 a month for what I’ve called my ‘music fund’. As you can see, I’ve been busy the last few months and haven’t had time to do my intial goal of buying one lossless 1 album per month:

my music fund

If I do this for 50 years, I’ll have 600 albums. I probably won’t, and that’s where we hit the crux of the matter: I can stop paying into my music fund at any time but still get to keep what I’ve already invested.

This system is simple, slow, and I don’t get instant access to everything I would like. It takes me time to track down a lossless format, and some record labels aren’t even selling them. 2 But something about this feels more solid, and I’m taking pleasure tracking down these files, and supporting the label directly.

September’s purchase:

Jaga Jazzist


  1. I’ve commited to buying only lossless audio, which future-proofs my collection. For more on lossless and why it will supercede mp3, check out this podcast.
  2. I’m looking forward to the time that the iTunes store starts offering lossless audio, to fill-in these gaps.
by Kit on . 

three technologies that have made me healthier

This post does not contain any affiliate links. I’m sharing these things because they’ve made a difference to my life, and they might help you too.

People complain that technology adds stress to their lives. This is true, but it’s not the whole of the story. In this post I’m going to describe three changes I’ve made to my life, with the help of technology, which mean that I’m feeling healthier today than ever before.

Andrew Johnson is a clinical psychologist and hypnotherapist who has produced some great apps and mp3s. I’ve been a fan ever since I tried Relax Plus, and found myself in a deeply relaxed state after just a few minutes. The app I use most regularly, especially to turn my brain off before sleep, is Infinite Relaxation, but Andrew also offers a wide range of therapy topics. I tried one of these recently that has made a very big difference in my life.

I’ve often felt that I drink more alcohol than I would like, and so I decided to try the stop drinking mp3, which the description says will help you “stop drinking altogether or cut down and regain control”. I was hoping for the cut down option, but I got more than I bargained for.

I fell asleep as I was listening to the recording, but woke up towards the end. As I regained consciousness, I inexplicably felt that something powerful was taking place. I didn’t know exactly what, but it soon became clear: I was becoming a non-drinker. Andrew Johnson was planting the seed, which I accepted, first unconsciously and, later, consciously. Alcohol had been causing me needless stress, expense, and negative physical effects, and my whole being realised that enough is enough. No more alcohol.

My positive habit tracker,, tells me that I have been alcohol free for 34 days. I’ve never felt better, and thanks to the power of Andrew Johnson’s hypnotic suggestion, letting alcohol go from my life has actually been easy. It’s like a weight has been lifted from my mind and body, and I’m free to spend my evenings in more healthy ways.

The second change I’ve made to my life, which I started in June this year, is doing regular physical exercise. I always knew that physical exercise would help me feel better, but I also always found an excuse not to do it. What has made all the difference has been setting small, achievable goals: one seven minute workout, at least five times a week. Seven minutes is such a short amount of time that even if you’re feeling lazy, you can still do it. Go on, just seven minutes! And there are many high-quality, free apps if you search for ‘seven minute workout’ 1. I’ve been mixing that with bite-sized yoga sessions, 15 minutes long, with the beautiful Yoga Studio app. tells me that since I started in early June, I’ve done checked in to the physical exercise habit 70 times. That’s almost every day. And it’s not because I’m super-motivated, it’s because I’m using the right tools and have achievable goals.

The third change is unloading stuff from my mind. I posted before about how being more productive has given me more inner calm. The key has been making sure every job, no matter how small (remember to polish my shoes) or big (pass driving test), goes onto a list. The app I use to track my lists is great and it’s called Things 2. When it’s out of my mind and onto a list, as long as I have a good system of checking the lists, my mind can let go of the tasks. So it’s emptier and freer to think about other things, or just to relax.

A few people have asked me how life has been different since leaving Facebook. Undoubtedly, when I closed my personal account, a huge amount of stuff—some good, some bad—was unloaded from my mind. And I haven’t regretted that for even one second.

Thank you to all the people who have devoted themselves to creating these amazing systems and apps. (I’m not talking about Mark Zuckerberg here, rather, Andrew Johnson, the team behind and Yoga Studio, that really cool fitness trainer in my seven minute workout app and the developers that made it a reality, Cultured Code, and David Allen for Getting Things Done.). And thank you to the core of potential and strength within me—and you—that has taken hold of these tools and made my vision of health into a reality.

And now it’s your turn. How has technology helped you live a healthier life?

P.S. If you use the app, please follow me—accountability encourages successful habit forming. Just search for oldmankit within the app.


  1. The one I use is Johnson and Johnson’s Seven Minute Workout.
  2. It’s Apple only, sorry, but there are so many out there. One is sure to be right for you.
by Kit on . 

Daniel Kvarn

Daniel Kvarn

Daniel Kvarn

Even since I met Glen Allison in Laos, I’ve been developing my skills as a portrait photographer. It’s harder than you would think. Really. Lighting is a technical subject. I love to read everything I can about a technical subject, understand it thoroughly, and then execute it perfectly. But getting beautiful lighting has been much harder than I would have predicted, and I’ve failed more times than I’ve succeeded. This is because, as I’ve come to realise, lighting is not just technical, it’s an art.

When Daniel came round, I had already got my studio set-up, loosened-up with a couple of whisky and sodas, and was ready to try once again. But as I fired some test shots, I stared in disbelief. I’m turning this up, which means the exposure should be going up, but actually it’s going down. Yet again, frustrated. Is even the technical side is beyond me?

Doing what anyone who understands technology does, I restarted my camera, my radios, my flashes. Ahh, that’s better.

by Kit on . 

Cloud Atlas

I’m struggling to digest just how much I loved the film Cloud Atlas. I’ve been reflecting on it so much since watching it 24 hours ago.

by Kit on . 

Why I’m quitting Facebook

When people quit Facebook, they write a list of reasons why Facebook sucks. But I’m not going to do that, because I think there’s a lot of good in Facebook. For me, it’s like opera music. I don’t think opera is bad, I don’t need to write a list of reasons why I don’t listen to it, and I don’t feel threatened that you like opera. But yeah, that’s right, I don’t listen to opera music.

But because Facebook has become a big part of our lives, I think it’s fair that I give it some respect and try to explain why I’ve just downloaded all my account data and am about to shut-down my personal profile. Here goes.

Everything in our lives both gives energy to us and requires some of our energy in return. So to listen to music I need to invest in audio equipment (headphones, speakers etc.) as well as buy the music itself. That’s energy, because money needs to be earned. Of course if I listen to music on the radio, I don’t pay with my money, I pay with my attention to adverts. Torrenting requires minimal energy (just the time to find a good torrent), and that’s why it feels like stealing: asking for something for almost nothing.

Some things give us so much and ask for so little: positive relationships or good music, for example. Some things seem more of an even balance: I have to do physical exercise if I want a healthy body, and doing regular exercise sometimes feels like a job. But the feeling of well-being is so worth it. Some things seem like a poor deal: a relationship that gets you down, or a job that sucks away your life in return for mere money.

Facebook gives me connection with friends, which is immensely valuable, but it asks a lot in terms of my attention. There are so many adverts, and they even put these inside my feed. That’s a big negative for me. The feed itself is also crammed with a lot of noise, and it takes time to find the good stuff.

For me—and this is a very personal decision—I felt Facebook was asking for too much of my attention. But walking away, like walking away from any relationship, is not easy at all. I will miss connecting with you on Facebook. I will miss your photos. I will miss your little bits of news that let me know how you’re doing and how your life is progressing. So please don’t be a stranger, because it’s Facebook I’m giving up, not my relationship with you.

  • I check my email six days a week, and it’s the best way to get in touch with me. I love email. Send me a quick email now (my address is listed on my facebook about page) so I can save your email address.
  • When I close my Facebook profile it will be converted to a Facebook page. If you’re my Facebook friend now, you’ll automatically be made a follower of that page. I don’t know what that page is going to be like, I just know it’s going to be there.
  • If you like to hear what I’m thinking about the world, just put your email in this box to get updates from this blog:

by Kit on . 

Are you a Christian?

When Gandhi was asked the question "are you a Christian?" he answered "ask the poor."

If being a Christian is about heaven and hell, sin and forgiveness, I’m not a Christian. But if it’s about transformation–personal, communal and global–then I am.

by Kit on . 

what we should be feeling

The church usually focuses on what we should be feeling or doing rather than spending time exploring, and accepting, the realities of our lives.

by Kit on .